Monday, January 18, 2016

Letting Go of Having it "All Together"

I threw away cucumbers tonight.  They had rotted.  All. Of. Them.  Why? Because even though I swore I would use them in time,  I didn't. And now they are in the trash.

And even though I'm a stay at home (homeschooling) mom, we are having frozen pizza tonight.  Its organic, does that matter?

And regardless of how many times my son has had to blow his noes on toilet paper today, I still forgot to get tissues at the grocery store. 

And tonight, as I put away the laundry that had been folded for quite a while but has been waiting to be put in the drawer; I shut the cats paws in the drawer.  Now, my son thinks I'm a kitten abuser. 

And if I'm not careful, I can start to think that life just stinks.

It not really the cucumbers or pizza or laundry...its me.  I just can't get it all together.

I used to think there was a perfect method.  I just needed to find it. So I would read books.  You know, ones with catchy titles like, 10 steps to a perfect home.   Organized your life in 10 simple steps. It doesn't work, because do you know what step 11 is?  START ALL OVER.  While you were finishing up the perfect living room, your kids were mastering their cutting skills in the office.  Now there is tiny pieces of "art" all over.  Lovely.

Today, I managed homeschooling.  Yet we didn't finish until late afternoon, and actually if I were really honest, we still have about 10 minuets left that we will be doing quickly before bed.  When my husband asked why we were still doing it so late, I was hard pressed for an answer.  I did the dishes this morning and swept the floor so I started later then usual.  I decided to play some board games with the boys this morning.  Was this really why?  Don't "normal" moms do all these things and still wrap up homeschooling at 1:00?  What the heck is wrong with me?

Nothing.  Nothing, really.  No one has it all together.  Every mom is doing the best they can. And so am I.

I'm never going to have it ALL together.  All together is fiction.  Maybe even, can I dare to say-its a lie that Satan uses to make us feel like failures.  No one can do it "all" perfectly.  Why?  Because it would include ALL THE THINGS.  And you just can't do all the things, all the time.

Some days I'm going to do better at in one area and something else is going get pushed to the next day.  Some days I'm going to fail miserably (I don't like those days).  Some days will be GREAT. And so the cycle continues. 

I'm not saying give up.  I will try to do better. There are things I need to improve in. As long as my motivation isn't guilt or people pleasing and my goal isn't perfection. Because its never going to be all perfect.  Because I'm not perfect.  So, I will let God carry me on in my weakness and he can take care of the rest.

I can buy more cucumbers.  I can cook tomorrow. Toilet paper will have to make do until a trip to the store can happen again.  And yes the cat is fine. 

Do you ever feel pressured to have it "all together"?

Monday, January 4, 2016

Let Go- The List

I mentioned that I'm making a list of things that I need to "Let Go".  It will be an ever growing list I'm sure.  It is an interesting activity for me to actually have on hand because I've noticed that a lot of my "letting go" issues are tied up into a main root issues.

The first that I noticed was my fear of man, or "people pleasing" if you will.  My how this has haunted me since I was a child.  More on this later.

For now, may I present the list:

Let Go!

...of false expectations (of others and myself)
...of bitterness
...of pleasing everybody
...of perfection
...of grief
...of late nights
...of selfishness
...of "getting it right"
...of picture perfect days
...of guilt and shame
...of control
...of regret
...of the burden I'm not meant to carry
...of performance base religion
...of doubt
...of anxiety
...of worry
...of fear
...of getting everyone to like me
...of believing lies
...of owning too much stuff
...of condemnation
...of judgment
...of achieving perfect health
...of being the "best" at something
...of the past
...of discontentment
...of comparison
...of stress

This list will be updated as the year goes along (at least in my notebook).  Some of these things may relate to you and some may not.  Somethings may mean something slightly different to you than they do for me, for example; I want to get up early, so I'm "letting go" of late nights (ie: staying up past 10:40.). While others are pretty straightforward.  Stress, anyone?

I don't know how this will look past January.  And perhaps I'll forget about it in March.  (I hope not! Just being honest here, folks!)  Either way, I'm delighting in it now.  ;)  Its honestly quite freeing.

Friday, January 1, 2016

Words for 2016 (my take on One Little Word)

I normally love all the hype of making New Years Resolutions.  I love to read the blog posts about them, the tips people share, and the challenges to join others.  Usually all of this excites me and I pour over lists and worksheets to create the perfect New Years Goals.

But this year, it all felt different.

Perhaps it is because I know that life's goals can be flipped upside down so quickly.  Or perhaps, its because I have two goals that keep showing up on my list over and over again.

While looking online, I stumbled across the idea of having a word for the year.  I concluded that was a silly for me to do.  After all, how can one narrow down a year into a word?  How can you possible know enough about your future year to have that much of a focus?  Still, I couldn't let the idea go.  I threw up a prayer and asked God, what would my word be?  Immediately the phrase "let go" came to my mind.  Ah, now this touches my heart.

Let go.

Oh, what would life look like if that could reach deep down into my life and settle.  How I am in need of some letting go in so many areas of my life.

I'm not sure how exactly this plays out in real life.  I've seen people create pinterest boards to inspire them.  I'm currently making a list of all the things that I am in need of letting go.  I'll post that up soon.  For now I'm pondering and reminding myself.  And honestly it feels good.  I enjoyed telling myself to let go of the mess of all the new presents spread over my livingroom floor yesterday.  It was a nice reminder to allow the boys to enjoy playing while being near us, even if it looked like chaos.  I've also enjoyed telling myself to let go of a comment on Facebook that came up.  I hope I will find myself quoting "Just let it go" a lot more this year.