Monday, January 18, 2016

Letting Go of Having it "All Together"

I threw away cucumbers tonight.  They had rotted.  All. Of. Them.  Why? Because even though I swore I would use them in time,  I didn't. And now they are in the trash.

And even though I'm a stay at home (homeschooling) mom, we are having frozen pizza tonight.  Its organic, does that matter?

And regardless of how many times my son has had to blow his noes on toilet paper today, I still forgot to get tissues at the grocery store. 

And tonight, as I put away the laundry that had been folded for quite a while but has been waiting to be put in the drawer; I shut the cats paws in the drawer.  Now, my son thinks I'm a kitten abuser. 

And if I'm not careful, I can start to think that life just stinks.

It not really the cucumbers or pizza or laundry...its me.  I just can't get it all together.

I used to think there was a perfect method.  I just needed to find it. So I would read books.  You know, ones with catchy titles like, 10 steps to a perfect home.   Organized your life in 10 simple steps. It doesn't work, because do you know what step 11 is?  START ALL OVER.  While you were finishing up the perfect living room, your kids were mastering their cutting skills in the office.  Now there is tiny pieces of "art" all over.  Lovely.

Today, I managed homeschooling.  Yet we didn't finish until late afternoon, and actually if I were really honest, we still have about 10 minuets left that we will be doing quickly before bed.  When my husband asked why we were still doing it so late, I was hard pressed for an answer.  I did the dishes this morning and swept the floor so I started later then usual.  I decided to play some board games with the boys this morning.  Was this really why?  Don't "normal" moms do all these things and still wrap up homeschooling at 1:00?  What the heck is wrong with me?

Nothing.  Nothing, really.  No one has it all together.  Every mom is doing the best they can. And so am I.

I'm never going to have it ALL together.  All together is fiction.  Maybe even, can I dare to say-its a lie that Satan uses to make us feel like failures.  No one can do it "all" perfectly.  Why?  Because it would include ALL THE THINGS.  And you just can't do all the things, all the time.

Some days I'm going to do better at in one area and something else is going get pushed to the next day.  Some days I'm going to fail miserably (I don't like those days).  Some days will be GREAT. And so the cycle continues. 

I'm not saying give up.  I will try to do better. There are things I need to improve in. As long as my motivation isn't guilt or people pleasing and my goal isn't perfection. Because its never going to be all perfect.  Because I'm not perfect.  So, I will let God carry me on in my weakness and he can take care of the rest.

I can buy more cucumbers.  I can cook tomorrow. Toilet paper will have to make do until a trip to the store can happen again.  And yes the cat is fine. 

Do you ever feel pressured to have it "all together"?

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